Dealing With Disappointment At Work

DisappointmentThe last week was not a good week for me professionally.  It started by with some bad news about something I had hoped to achieve at work.  The details are confidential but needless to say, I was very disappointed.  I felt betrayed and alone, as though other people should have been there for me, should have warned me that this was happening.  I also felt angry, I felt like I didn’t get the support I needed so it wasn’t fair to criticize me now and hold me back from what I wanted.

I wanted to sulk and blame the world.  Actually, I wanted to run away and quit my job.  Luckily, I have a bit more common sense than that, plus a very intelligent wife who listened to my issues and presented me with some great advice.  Ultimately, I went and talked to my boss about this whole thing, although I did take some time to formulate my thoughts before I marched in there.

What I realized was my career is my responsibility.  As I’ve defined it before, responsibility is the willingness and the ability to take action and I’m the only who has both of those things when it comes to my work.  Should other people have helped me along the way?  Sure, and they would have if I had asked.  Should other people have supported me?  Sure, and they would have if I told them I needed it.

Ultimately, it seems like I made a few mistakes:

  • I tried to do everything myself – This is fine when you’re an individual contributor but not when you’re a manager.  A manager has to rely on his people to do the work and I didn’t do that.  If a problem arose, I went and solved it, instead of teaching my employees how to solve them.
  • I didn’t look far enough into the future – An employee needs to be concerned with executing immediate actions.  A manager needs to be concerned with formulating plans for the future and then letting his employees execute them in the present.  I was too backwards focused.  I was reacting to what had happened before instead of planning for what was going to happen.
  • I was too reluctant to ask for help – Instead of asking for help, I waited for it to be offered.  I didn’t even tell people I needed help but instead assumed they could see it for themselves.
  • I didn’t communicate well – Because I am the product expert, I entered many conversations with the mind set of “I’m right and you’re wrong.”  Even worse, when I would get into arguments I would try to “win” the argument instead of figuring out how it could be resolved.  I didn’t take the time to say “ok, how can we resolve this?  What data would help us figure this out?” because I was too busy arguing.

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

I was really disappointed with myself after this realization.  Here I am preaching all these lessons about good communication, planning and asking for help and I myself had completely ignored them, much to my detriment.  The truth is that we can all be less than objective when it comes to our own lives.  It’s easy to take a look at someone else and say “they’re being too argumentative” but it’s not so easy to do the same when looking in the mirror.  Luckily for me, my boss was more objective than I and pointed out some of these issues to me.

I say lucky and I really do mean that.  There are a few possible outcomes here:

  • My boss doesn’t pick up on this, promotes me and I fail miserably
  • My boss picks up on all this and fires me without telling me why
  • My boss picks up on all this and tells me about it

Choice number 3 is the best of all worlds and it is indeed what happened.  Through this choice I can now improve my manner of work.  I’m also lucky in that my boss is someone who gives second chances.  That is, if I truly improve, I’ll get everything I want and then some.  As I said, this is probably the best of all outcomes.  Am I disappointed?  Yes, but I do believe that this is for the best.  Now I just need to prove that I can change, and that I already know how to do.

Mentors

What this shows me is the value of mentors and coaches.  Everyone has a coach, even olympic players who are considered the best in their game.  Why?  Because the presence of an objective observer is an excellent way to improve.  We just have to be willing to take their advice and not get too defensive.   Our first instinct is going to be “you don’t know what you’re talking about.  I’m already doing this and you’re missing out on some facts”, but by carefully listening to what they’re saying and then digging deep to see what they actually mean by their words, we can gain some incredible insights into ourselves.

I’m glad to be working for someone like that and I’m grateful for the learning opportunity.

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And no, he doesn’t read this blog :)

Why Do IT People Suck? A Lesson In Customer Service

RespectIf you’re anywhere in the corporate world then you’ve probably had some kind of bad experience with a group of people affectionately known as IT. They’re the folks responsible for setting up your computers, making sure the network doesn’t break and helping you out when you can’t figure out what’s wrong with your email. They’re also the folks with the reputation for being surly, unfriendly, unhelpful, uncooperative and a variety of other, less complimentary adjectives. In fact, at most companies I’ve worked with, IT was the department people disliked the most and they were generally viewed as an obstacle to people’s productivity.

Why Is This?

How do a bunch of people who usually work pretty hard and are in general smart and friendly develop a reputation for being absolutely awful to work with?  By the way, I will firmly stand by my assertion that IT folks are very smart and quite friendly once you get to know them.  They’re no different than any other person I know and there’s nothing inherent in IT which makes awful people.  So why is it that they have such an awful reputation?  It’s an easy answer actually, they have absolutely zero respect for their customers. [Read more...]

All Of Life Is Sales And You’re The Product, So Learn How To Sell Yourself!

Sale In A Sale Shop Selling Sale SignsFirst of all, yes, all of life is sales.  You may not like it and you may think that’s not the way it should be, but it’s the way it is.  Whether you’re trying to get a job, get a raise, get a date, get married, get a house, get a loan, get into school or just get on that last flight home, you’re trying to sell something.  You want the other person to do something for you in return for whatever it is you’re trying to offer.  You need to understand that and get used to it.  Even when someone is doing you a “favor” you’re still selling.  You’re selling them on the fact that your friendship is important or that one day you’ll return the favor, or maybe you’re just selling them on the fact that if they do what you want you’ll stop bothering them.  Doesn’t matter, you’re still selling.  Don’t like that fact?  Too bad. [Read more...]

We Are A Nation Of Losers And I’m The Head Loser!

2007-05-08 Just askI was sitting down for lunch today at a local sandwich shop. Besides the great flat bread sandwiches, they also offer a decent seat by the window that allows me to engage in one of my favorite past times, people watching. So there I was, enjoying my sandwich, when a woman walked in and said “hey, is there any chance you could set up a table outside for me?”

At first, I thought she was crazy. Who was this person to come in to a restaurant and ask them about how they ran their business? Hey Lady, these guys never put tables outside so how about you shut up and order a delicious sandwich! Then I think to myself, how rude! I can’t believe this person would even ask for something like this. Even as I watched the server take one of his tables and place it outside I was still thinking to myself, “I would never want to be this lady, what an awful way to behave.” It was only when I sat there behind my glass window, watching her enjoy the wonderful California weather that it hit me!

We have become a nation of losers.

Yah, that’s right, I said it, we’re a nation of losers and I’m one of them! You know why? Because we refuse to ask for what we want. We prefer the easy path, the path of least resistance, which means we force ourselves into this pretend state of meek politeness, and that makes us losers! I read a thread on Get Rich Slowly the other day which talked about negotiating salaries. I saw a comment along the lines of “I’ve never negotiated for a salary in my life” and I felt such disdain for this person. Here was someone who never asked for what they wanted and deserved. No wonder they were miserable. And then here I am, I’d love to sit outside and eat my sandwich but I’m too brain washed to even think about asking for that. Even worse, when someone does ask for this simple little thing, I think badly of them. I think they’re rude, demanding and a little crazy.

Are you the same way? Are you the person sitting at the bar afraid to approach that person you’re attracted to at the other end of the bar? Are you at a dead end job and hating every day of it? Are you getting paid less than you think you’re worth but haven’t said anything about it?  Are your friends and family bugging you in some way but you’re afraid to ask them to stop or change because you think that’s rude?  It’s funny how we let ourselves sink into these mindtraps of “don’t rock the boat”.

Ramit from I Will Teach You To Be Rich had a great post today about scripts, certain beliefs about our lives that cause us to make stupid decisions. Well, I’m going to add another script to my own list, the inability to ask for what I want.  However, I’m not just going to be aware of this script, I’m also going to try and break it, because it has to stop.

Stop Being A Loser

We need to stop this, stop making it easier for other people to say no to us by not even asking. When we’re too scared to ask, we’re reducing our chance for success to ZERO! That’s right, zero chances for success. When I refuse to act because of some imaginary risk or because I think it’s rude, I’ve doomed yourself to failure. And yes, I say imaginary because most of what’s holding me back is imaginary. It’s not rude to ask for a table outside. If you do it politely and with a smile, it really isn’t. The store wasn’t that busy, it was 3:30pm. The guy had plenty of time to move that table and he did. Asking for that little favor wasn’t rude and I bet, had he said no, she would have smiled and moved on. That’s not rude or crazy or impolite. Neither is going up to say hi to someone sitting at a bar, neither is asking for a raise or for a higher salary offer, neither is asking your coworker to do their job and neither is asking your friends to stop nagging you about something you consider important. We don’t need to apologize for these things or be afraid to do them.  We just need to stop making ourselves into losers by not asking for them in the first place.

True Story

I just hired someone a few months ago and she rejected outright the first offer I made her. Did I fire her? Did I get mad and retract my offer? Of course not. We negotiated. I ended up with a kick ass, proactive employee and she ended up getting paid more. And yet, there I was, thinking less of someone for asking to move a table 10feet.

So I will say this again for both your benefit and my own. With a little bit of common sense you’ll see that the risks that are holding you back are completely imaginary. With a smile and a reasonable attitude, most requests are not rude or crazy. With a little courage to ask for what you want, you’re going to find that the world is a much better place to live. So stop asking permission and start asking for the things you want and deserve. Yes, you might get a few no’s along the way, but you’ll get a lot more yes’s than if you never asked at all.

I’m thinking of ordering that book in the heading pic :)

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As you can see, that honesty experiment is working really well for me :)

How To Get A Raise

So you want a raise for the great job you’re doing?  Nothing unusual there, we all want a bit more money.  However, have you ever really thought about whether or not you deserve that raise?

Doing A Good Job Is Not Enough

Yes, I know, you’re good at your work.  Sorry, that’s not good enough.  When your employer hired you, do you think they hired you because they thought “Let’s find someone mediocre!” or “Let’s find someone that’s just barely good enough”?  No, they hired you because they expected you to be good at your job.  That means just being good is meaningless.  You’re expected to be good so why would you get additional rewards just for doing what’s already expected?  No, in order to get that raise you need to go above and beyond good; you need to provide real additional value.

What Does Value Mean?

At most jobs, providing value means doing things that will help the business make more money.  Making money is after all the goal of the business.  This is slightly different at non profits and I’ll talk about those later.   At for profits companies though, if you’re not adding value to the bottom line then you don’t deserve that raise.  So if you want a raise, you need to make your boss think “wow, this person is really helping us make / save more money than we expected.”

Let me illustrate with an example.  I have a friend called Chris who’s a personal trainer at a local gym.  Chris is paid by the gym, not by his customers.  In other words, Chris is an employee of the gym.  Chris started out at $20 an hour but it’s now been a year and Chris thinks he should get a raise.  So, does Chris deserve a raise?  Doesn’t seem like it.

Personal trainer clients pay the company $60 per session.  That’s what they paid a year ago and that’s still what they pay now.  Out of that $60, the company has to pay for the facilities, various overhead expenses and then give Chris $20 of salary, which leaves them with about $20 of profit.  So every single additional dollar they give Chris is one less dollar the company makes in profit.  If they give him a $5 raise, they make $5 an hour less.  There’s not a company in the world that really wants to make less money so my friend Chris is well and truly screwed.  He will not get a raise, and frankly, he doesn’t deserve one.  He’s not making the company more money so why should they give him more money?

Dead End Jobs

By the way, this is a classic example of a dead end job.  There’s just no way to advance in a position where any raise will cause the company to make less money.  You’re either going to be stuck with the same pay forever or you need to get a new job.  Quite a few low paying jobs are similar to this.  Think about security guards or airport screeners.  There’s almost nothing they can do to add value to their positions.  No one thinks to themselves, “wow, that airport screener is really efficient!  By being quicker, they just helped the Transportation Safety Authority (TSA) save money!  They should get a raise.”  Realistically, any job in which you can’t really prove value to your employer is one in which you’re never going to get a raise based on merit.  You might get one based on seniority or some union contract but you might as well forget about performance based raises.  Your performance doesn’t matter and so you’ll never get a raised based on it.

How To Make A Dead End Job Less Dead End

There are three ways of making a dead end job less dead end.  First, you can go into business for yourself.  For example, if Chris quit his job at the gym and started working as an independent personal trainer, he could charge what he was really worth.  If he was a great personal trainer, he would get more money from his customers and thus a raise.  This is a great example of why working for yourself is in many cases better than working for other people.  You get to keep the profits you make, so if you’re motivated and hardworking, you may want to consider working for yourself.  Conversely, if you’re not so motivated and prefer the easy life where you don’t have to work very hard, working for someone else may make more sense.

The second way to get a raise in a dead end job is to help the company overall.  What does that mean?  Well, let’s think.  There’s no way Chris can directly make his employer more money.  He simply doesn’t have more hours in the day to take on more customers.  However, what if Chris comes up with a better way of scheduling clients that doesn’t require as much overhead?  What if gets his clients to recommend the gym to their friends and therefore build up a bigger customer base for the gym?  What if he gains some extra certifications and works with the gym to offer “Extreme Personal Training” sessions for $70 an hour?  In all of these cases Chris is helping the gym make more money and therefore he deserves a raise.  However, I would argue that if Chris is this motivated, he should really start working for himself.

Third, Chris can make himself indispensible.  That means Chris becomes so good at his job that he becomes something more than just another personal trainer.  For example, what if Chris was such an amazing personal trainer that his customers would quit coming to this gym if Chris stopped working there?  In this case the gym’s decision is a little different.  Now if they don’t give Chris his raise he’ll quit and his customers will stop paying the gym their $60 an hour. The company’s decision is not between $20 profit (no raise) and $15 (after giving Chris a raise).  Instead it’s $15 an hour profit (If Chris stays) vs. $0 an hour profit (if Chris goes and takes his customers with him).  Now it’s clearly to the company’s benefit to keep Chris around.  Note that even in this case it’s probably better for Chris to go work on his own.  If he’s that good, he can keep a lot more of the money his clients pay him.

Non Hourly Jobs

If you’re like me, your job doesn’t really pay you by the hour.  You have a certain role and you’re expected to fill it.  This may sound very different than being a personal trainer paid by the hour but it’s really not.  You are still contributing value to the company’s bottom line (profits!).  If you want to get a raise, you need to contribute more.

Assume for a second that your boss is competent.  If so, that means he or she hired you knowing what kind of value they expected you to provide.  So just doing a good job doesn’t mean you qualify for a raise.  Doing a good job is basically what’s already expected of you.  Therefore, to qualify for a raise, you need to do better.  Let me give you some examples:

  • My friend Dan works in IT.  He does his job well which means he deserves his normal pay.  Last year Dan also came up with a project which ended up saving the company $20,000 a year in printing costs.  This was something that Dan’s boss did not expect of him.  Dan did it on his own time and with his own initiative.  End result, company saved a lot of money and Dan got a 6k raise at a time when other people were getting pay freezes or laid off.
  • My friend Wesley works in technical support.  He doesn’t have a college degree or a technical background but he was good enough to get this job.  In the years since landing this job Wesley has gone out and improved his skills through courses at a local community college and he’s volunteered for multiple tasks that were not normally expected of him.  Result, Wesley got a hefty raise each year he was at this company and is now in line for a nice promotion to a management position.

Both of these are examples of people going above and beyond what was expected of them and increasing their value to the company.  So now let me go back to you with a few questions.

  • Are you going above and beyond or are you just doing what is expected of you?
  • Are you providing additional value to the company beyond what they hired you for?
  • Are you indispensible?  That is, how quickly can the company replace you?

If you answer these questions honestly, you can figure out if you deserve a raise or not.  Once you do that, go have a polite talk with your boss.  If you’ve really been providing extra value, he or she has probably already noticed.  If you haven’t been providing value and can’t figure out ways to do that, go have a talk with the boss anyway.  Tell them what you want and ask them for suggestions on how to increase your value to the company.  Trust me, most bosses love employees with this kind of initiative.\

Good luck, and enjoy your raise :)