Start Your Own Traditions

Those feet in the picture are mine.  They’re resting on the railing of our deck at the Albion River Inn.  We’re here to celebrate my wife’s birthday with a weekend stay at a wonderful bed and breakfast.  It’s not a fancy place, there are no spas, no swim up bars.  It’s cozy though, with a small restaurant that serves wonderful food and a little bar close by in Mendocino that’s not too loud and not too crowded, just the way we like it.

We drove here this morning, a 3 hour drive through San Francisco and the forests of the North Bay.  The views were breathtaking and the little towns we passed were picturesque without being cheesy.  In fact, that 3 hour drive turned into a 4 hour drive because we decided to take an hour break in a little town called Healdsburg and nap on the benches in their town square.

All in all, I love it up here.  It’s incredibly relaxing, something I don’t get to do too often.  I want to do this again, I want to make it a tradition.

Kids Hate Traditions Because They Don’t Feel Connected To Them

Growing up I hated traditions.  I disliked my Jewish heritage and didn’t really enjoy ceremonies like Passover or Hunnukah (except the food, I LOVED the food!).  I didn’t appreciate days like the Fourth of July or Memorial day and I had no idea why we would ever honor these traditions.  They felt old, out of place and out of touch.  I wanted nothing to do with them.

As I aged I realized that traditions were worthwhile in some cases but could only be appreciated if you were a part of them.  I didn’t appreciate Jewish traditions because I lacked belief, which is ok.  I didn’t appreciate American traditions like the Fourth of July because I didn’t understand what we were celebrating.  I didn’t feel a connection to these traditions and so they meant nothing to me.

My family didn’t have many traditions either, except possibly my weekly movie day with my father, and so I continued to view traditions as something useless, something like a dreary routine to be avoided by constantly trying out new things.  It was only when I became a man that I finally realized what traditions meant.

Traditions Remind Us Of Who We Are, While We Continue Growing And Changing

Traditions are the anchor to our boat.  Yes, they can weigh us down if we blindly follow them, but they can also provide us with a safe point, a place where we feel secure, a harbor from which to continue exploring.  I have several traditions now, like my weekly game night with my 5 closest friends, a tradition we’ve carried on for almost 7 years now.  These game nights are my safety zone, they’re the place I could feel at home, even when my life was in turmoil.  When all else broke, I always knew that weekly game night was something I could rely on.

Now that I’m married to Julie, we’re developing our own traditions.  Sure, we still explore and we still try out new things like flying to Charleston, SC on a whim after finding some free Southwest tickets but we love our traditions.  We love the walk on Saturday mornings to our favorite local restaurant where we almost always order the same thing because it’s a known thing.  Sure, after that walk we can figure out all sorts of new and exciting things to explore on a Saturday, but that walk is a tradition now, a thing that anchors us and our relationship.

We love our standard hike up in the hills of Point Reyes.  Sure we can and do explore other parks and we love discovering new places, but that hike is a familiar and beloved experience that we can enjoy on days where we feel like doing something old and familiar.  We know every step without needing a map.  We know exactly where the lake is if we want to swing on the rope and jump into the icy water.  We even know where that great burger place is on the way back home where we each order our favorites.  It’s a familiar joy, different than the joy of trying something new, but just as satisfying.

And yes, I’ve even developed an appreciation for non personal traditions.  Now that I’ve traveled the world, I have a greater understanding of what the United States truly means, and so the Fourth of July is more than just an opportunity to BBQ, it’s now a time when I appreciate the tradition of service, community and industry left for us by the founding fathers.   I feel apart of this tradition and it has great meaning to me.  Alas, I still have no faith and so I cannot truly appreciate Jewish traditions but that’s ok, some traditions fall by the way side as others are born.

A New Tradition Is Born

Which brings me to this weekend in Albion and to this wonderful hotel.  I love this place.  I love the solitude and the atmosphere.  I love the food and the people.  I love the idea of getting away for the weekend and I want to do this again and again.  Luckily, Julie’s birthday comes every year, which means I have an excuse to do this again and again.  In fact, I believe a new tradition was just born.

Why Don’t We Care Anymore And How Can We Change This?

We're Still Looking For A Home For Him. Please Contact Me If Interested.

I was on the way to the airport today when I spotted a puppy running along the side of the street.  Cars were veering to avoid him and a biker was yelling to him to stop chasing him.  He was obviously a puppy, maybe 3 or 4 months old, but not a single person stopped to check up on him.  All they cared about was getting on with their lives.

I stopped.  It took a while to earn his trust but soon he was as playful as any 3 month old puppy.  He had scars of abuse and neglect on him but he was also willing to trust me.  I took him to the local shelter, thinking that was the best thing to do, but I was informed that he would be put down if no one picked him up after 4 days.  The center had too many abandoned dogs and too many of them were pit bulls like this little guy.  So I signed up to adopt him.

Because Hitting “Share” Is Just Too Damned Hard

When I got home I shared his story on facebook and tried to find him a permanent home.  My wife and I already have one rescue and, since we’re talking about kids, this is not the best of times to pick up a stray puppy.  I posted a picture and told his story.  I expected my friends to help, to share his story, to try and find him a home.  Almost none of them did.  Sure, some of them could have missed this update, some could be offline, some might never log into Facebook and some might have me on ignore.  All of these things are possible but they still don’t account for everyone.

These people were happy to share videos of babies crying, pictures of funny looking signs, their latest complaints about their life or some celebrity gossip, but only seven or eight put in the effort to help, for which I am eternally grateful by the way.  The rest apparently thought pressing the share button was too difficult a task in return for the possibility of saving a life.

Why Don’t People Care?

I’m not even talking about the people who would abuse a little puppy here, clearly there’s something wrong with them and I’m going to just write them off.  I’m talking about my friends.  I’m talking about people who seem to be perfectly normal, people who should care (about helping me with something I care about even if they don’t love animals) but don’t.  Is it really that difficult to share something?  Were they ashamed?  Did they think their friends would think less of them for trying to help a puppy?

Have we really become a nation of people who are ashamed for their friends to think they care about little things like an abused puppy?  Or do we just not care anymore?  Have we stepped over one too many homeless people, seen one too many war atrocity, heard one too many pleas for help and just stopped caring?  Have we become so overwhelmed with everything that needs helping that we don’t help even when we can?

Do What You Can

I can’t help all the puppies in the world, just like I can’t help all the homeless, just like I can save all the kids in warzones, just like I can’t protect all the rain forests in the Amazon.  But there are things that I can do, and those I will do with all my heart.  I help the homeless when I can, I volunteer in my community when I can, I donate to various causes when I can and I will save this puppy if I can.  I do this because I think it’s not enough to just live in this world and it’s not enough to just sit around and enjoy my little piece of life.  I want to live knowing that I make a difference, that I matter, even if it’s just in the life of one little abused puppy.

What about you?

###

And my eternal thanks to those of you who did share that Facebook post.  You restore my faith in humanity with a simple click of a button.

The Truth About Muslims, Arabs and Palestinians

Editor’s Note – I’m not usually one to talk about politics.  I prefer to keep this blog to topics like starting a business or finding jobs, but after a few recent events in my life, I thought this had to be written.  And yes, it does represent the opinion of Equally Happy and it’s employees :)

When I was 10 years old, my parents uprooted our family from Israel and brought us to the United States. We settled in a town called Lafayette, on the outskirts of the San Francisco Bay Area. This was in the early 80’s and Lafayette wasn’t used to immigrants. It was a predominantly white and Christian community, where most kids were born to American parents. To me, this was hell.

We came from a small, relatively agrarian community in Israel where kids were very open to newcomers. There were no cliques, no jocks, no nerds and no bullies. By comparison to that little slice of heaven, Springfield elementary was a warzone and I never knew where the next shot would come from. As a foreigner, especially one with an odd name and a strange accent, I was the outcast, the one to make fun of. Even worse, I came from the Middle East, an area that back then meant little more than wars and terrorism. I’ll spare you the details because that’s not the point of this post, but I will mention the two people who rose above the rest; the ones who made room in their lives for the foreign kid with the odd way of talking. [Read more...]

What’s Wrong With Modern American Political Discourse

You know what’s wrong with American political discourse these days?  We spend 90% of it tearing each other down and the other 10% trying to prove our side is right.  At no point do we approach a problem with a pragmatic and constructive point of view that says “we both have good points, let’s just solve this”.

I say this because of my observations of my politically active friends.  I’m sure you all have someone like this in your Facebook feed.  They’re the ones always posting the latest article about what president Obama is doing or why you should be outraged over something some politician did.  I have four of five friends like these, from both sides of the political spectrum.  I’ve looked at what these folks post and I’ve found something remarkable.  None of them actually posts constructive thoughts.  None of them posts suggestions on how to fix the problems our country faces.  All they post are political articles that distort the truth in an attempt to inflame emotions by showing how awful and evil the other side is.

My liberal friends will post stories about how the GOP is trying to destroy our civil rights and out of context videos of some small town mayor in Texas saying something stupid and then urge everyone to oppose republicans who are seeking to sell our country to rich corporations.  My conservative friends post stories about how Obama is trying to destroy our economy and some out of context speeches from a no name democratic strategist and then urge everyone to oppose democrats who are seeking to turn the US into a communist haven.  None of them post fresh ideas on how to solve the problems we face in education, jobs or healthcare.  None of them are willing to admit the other side may have a good point.  None of them are even talking about what their side is trying to do.  All they want to talk about is how awful and evil the side they oppose is. [Read more...]

The Dopamine Rush and Why Having Ex’s On Facebook Is Not A Good Idea

d facebook lonely

And when you're lonely, tired and stressed, guess what you brain thinks when it sees that ex?

Ahh the brain, it’s a wonderful thing.  So full of interesting mechanisms that we’re only now beginning to understand.  One of those mechanisms is dopamine, a chemical all of us should be intimately familiar with.  What the heck am I talking about you ask?  Allow me to explain!

Welcome To Your Brain On Drugs

Dopamine is a chemical that your brain releases in order to get you focused on what you want.  Note that I say “want”.  This is important because dopamine is often confused with chemicals or reactions that simulate pleasure.  It isn’t.  Dopamine is to pleasure what hunger is to eating.  It’s what lust is to sex.  Dopamine is desire.  It’s wanting.  It’s not actually having.  It’s the mechanism your brain uses to tell your body, “I want this!  Get it for me.” [Read more...]

Staycation versus Vacation, Which Is Better?

IMG_8817

I'll forever cherish our honeymoon in Croatia

I’m a big fan of Robert Altucher and his blog, The Altucher Confidential.  In particular, I like his series of posts answering questions from readers.  Today’s post though set off a little fire work in my head.  You see, Robert talks about how he’d rather stay home and do the little things than go on a vacation.  He doesn’t like the stress of a vacation, nor the expenses and the time wasted.  I think a bit differently.

Happiness Now Versus Happy Memories

Let’s separate out two concepts.  First, momentary happiness.  That’s the feeling you have when you’re having a relaxing day at home.  You’re content, life is good.  You’re on the sofa, snuggling with a loved one, reading a book or just enjoying the silence.  Perhaps you’re at the local coffee shop, sipping on a latte and enjoying people watching.  Whatever the case may be, you’re happy.  Life is good and you’re enjoying it.

Then there are the happy memories of times gone by.  The smile on your wife’s face as she walked down the aisle at your wedding.  The first time your child walked.  That trip to Tahoe with your friends that ended up with two of you drunk and almost going to jail.  That vacation in Croatia where you rented a boat and sailed on the ocean.  These are the happy memories that you will cherish for the rest of your life.  These are the stories you’ll tell your grandchildren. [Read more...]

The True Benefit To Being In A Relationship

I love working late.  You get me in front of a project and I don’t stop until it’s done.  I’ll sit down in front of the computer after dinner and the next thing I know it’s 2am and I need to go sleep in the back room because I don’t want to wake Julie up.  I think this says I’m a hard worker and driven to success.  Except it also says I’m an idiot and a poor husband.

Yesterday I climbed into bed at 10:30pm.  Julie and I spent 45 minutes chatting about our day, laughing at stupid stories, calling each other a “stupid butt poopoo head” (Don’t ask) and snuggling.  It was amazing.  It put me into such a good mood that I slept straight through the night, something I rarely do. [Read more...]

Remember To Enjoy Today, Not Just Plan For Tomorrow

Should I put napping as a skill on my resume?

Gal’s note – Don’t worry, we’ll be back to generating web traffic in a couple of days.  In the meantime, let me tell you about my weekend!

I just had the most wonderful weekend with my wife.  It wasn’t in Hawaii or in some bed and breakfast in the mountains, it was at home doing not much of anything.  We:

  • Walked to our favorite breakfast place on Saturday
  • Saw a movie together
  • Walked around a local downtown
  • Grabbed some frozen yogurt
  • Walked the dog
  • Napped together on the couch
  • And spent a lot of time chatting (and other things!)

It was absolutely amazing. [Read more...]

How To Generate Traffic To A Website, Part 1 – Search Engine Traffic (SEO)

This entry is part 4 of 6 in the series Diamonds or Dogs
Livros de Redes Sociais, SEO e Web 2.0

A whole lot of books that could be summed up in 10 pages...

Since the site itself is now up and operational, I’ve been spending my time trying to generate traffic.  If you’ve never tried to generate traffic to a site, here’s a brief tutorial.

Search Traffic

Search traffic is made up of people who searched for some term and were then sent to your site by the search engine they used.  These people don’t know your site, they just know the search engine told them it was a good place to go.  By the way, I say search engine but I mean Google.  If you’re optimizing for search engine traffic, you’re optimizing for Google.  By the way, the official term is SEO (Search Engine Optimization).  How do you do SEO?  Easy!

Your goal is to get your site to the top of the ranking for your key words.  For Diamonds or Dogs, those key words are “gifts”, “gift ideas”, “Gifts for men” and so on.  I would like Diamonds or Dogs to show up at the top of the rankings for these key words because most people focus only on the top search results.  In fact, repeated studies have shown that the top 3 results get the overwhelming majority of traffic with the top 1 result having a huge advantage. [Read more...]

Do You Ever Feel Like You’re Wearing A Mask?

masksDo you ever feel like you’re pretending to be someone you’re not?  Like you’re wearing a mask that doesn’t really reflect who you are?  I feel that way sometimes.  I feel that I put on masks depending on the role I’m playing.  Sometimes I’m the high tech professional, leading my team through complicated projects.  That’s when I’m decisive, thoughtful but respectful of everyone’s opinion.  Sometimes I put on the mask of entrepreneur.  That’s when I’m quick to act, enthusiastic, energetic and aggressive in my drive to succeed.  Some nights I put on the mask of friend and then I’m funny, outgoing, a bit rude and somewhat abrasive.  Other evenings I put on the mask of host and then I’m polite, intelligent, a great conversationalist and a talented cook.  Sometimes I even put on the mask of a blogger and then I’m authoritative, provocative, a bit arrogant and a good story teller.

Masks are fine to a degree, but when I spend too much time wearing them I get tired.  It’s exhausting to pretend to be someone I’m not and it’s unnecessary.  The real me is just fine in any of those situations.  In fact, the real me would be great in all of them, just as good as the mask. [Read more...]