The Truth About Muslims, Arabs and Palestinians

Editor’s Note – I’m not usually one to talk about politics.  I prefer to keep this blog to topics like starting a business or finding jobs, but after a few recent events in my life, I thought this had to be written.  And yes, it does represent the opinion of Equally Happy and it’s employees :)

When I was 10 years old, my parents uprooted our family from Israel and brought us to the United States. We settled in a town called Lafayette, on the outskirts of the San Francisco Bay Area. This was in the early 80’s and Lafayette wasn’t used to immigrants. It was a predominantly white and Christian community, where most kids were born to American parents. To me, this was hell.

We came from a small, relatively agrarian community in Israel where kids were very open to newcomers. There were no cliques, no jocks, no nerds and no bullies. By comparison to that little slice of heaven, Springfield elementary was a warzone and I never knew where the next shot would come from. As a foreigner, especially one with an odd name and a strange accent, I was the outcast, the one to make fun of. Even worse, I came from the Middle East, an area that back then meant little more than wars and terrorism. I’ll spare you the details because that’s not the point of this post, but I will mention the two people who rose above the rest; the ones who made room in their lives for the foreign kid with the odd way of talking. [Read more...]

What’s Wrong With Modern American Political Discourse

You know what’s wrong with American political discourse these days?  We spend 90% of it tearing each other down and the other 10% trying to prove our side is right.  At no point do we approach a problem with a pragmatic and constructive point of view that says “we both have good points, let’s just solve this”.

I say this because of my observations of my politically active friends.  I’m sure you all have someone like this in your Facebook feed.  They’re the ones always posting the latest article about what president Obama is doing or why you should be outraged over something some politician did.  I have four of five friends like these, from both sides of the political spectrum.  I’ve looked at what these folks post and I’ve found something remarkable.  None of them actually posts constructive thoughts.  None of them posts suggestions on how to fix the problems our country faces.  All they post are political articles that distort the truth in an attempt to inflame emotions by showing how awful and evil the other side is.

My liberal friends will post stories about how the GOP is trying to destroy our civil rights and out of context videos of some small town mayor in Texas saying something stupid and then urge everyone to oppose republicans who are seeking to sell our country to rich corporations.  My conservative friends post stories about how Obama is trying to destroy our economy and some out of context speeches from a no name democratic strategist and then urge everyone to oppose democrats who are seeking to turn the US into a communist haven.  None of them post fresh ideas on how to solve the problems we face in education, jobs or healthcare.  None of them are willing to admit the other side may have a good point.  None of them are even talking about what their side is trying to do.  All they want to talk about is how awful and evil the side they oppose is. [Read more...]

Suit Up! It’s Not Just For Neal Patrick Harris

I hate suits.  They make me feel miserable.  I feel like the tie is choking me to death while the jacket and dress shirt combo makes me sweat  like I’m running a marathon.  Plus the shirt collar always makes the back of my neck feel funny.  In fact, I hate all formal wear and try to avoid it as much as possible.

I picked my job in high tech because it required a minimum of dressing up and I avoid going to social occasions if they say “formal wear”.  Heck, If Barney Stinson himself stopped by my house and told me to “suit up!” I would put on a pair of jeans and a comfy t-shirt.  So yah, I dislike formal wear. [Read more...]

Dealing With Disappointment At Work

DisappointmentThe last week was not a good week for me professionally.  It started by with some bad news about something I had hoped to achieve at work.  The details are confidential but needless to say, I was very disappointed.  I felt betrayed and alone, as though other people should have been there for me, should have warned me that this was happening.  I also felt angry, I felt like I didn’t get the support I needed so it wasn’t fair to criticize me now and hold me back from what I wanted.

I wanted to sulk and blame the world.  Actually, I wanted to run away and quit my job.  Luckily, I have a bit more common sense than that, plus a very intelligent wife who listened to my issues and presented me with some great advice.  Ultimately, I went and talked to my boss about this whole thing, although I did take some time to formulate my thoughts before I marched in there.

What I realized was my career is my responsibility.  As I’ve defined it before, responsibility is the willingness and the ability to take action and I’m the only who has both of those things when it comes to my work.  Should other people have helped me along the way?  Sure, and they would have if I had asked.  Should other people have supported me?  Sure, and they would have if I told them I needed it.

Ultimately, it seems like I made a few mistakes:

  • I tried to do everything myself – This is fine when you’re an individual contributor but not when you’re a manager.  A manager has to rely on his people to do the work and I didn’t do that.  If a problem arose, I went and solved it, instead of teaching my employees how to solve them.
  • I didn’t look far enough into the future – An employee needs to be concerned with executing immediate actions.  A manager needs to be concerned with formulating plans for the future and then letting his employees execute them in the present.  I was too backwards focused.  I was reacting to what had happened before instead of planning for what was going to happen.
  • I was too reluctant to ask for help – Instead of asking for help, I waited for it to be offered.  I didn’t even tell people I needed help but instead assumed they could see it for themselves.
  • I didn’t communicate well – Because I am the product expert, I entered many conversations with the mind set of “I’m right and you’re wrong.”  Even worse, when I would get into arguments I would try to “win” the argument instead of figuring out how it could be resolved.  I didn’t take the time to say “ok, how can we resolve this?  What data would help us figure this out?” because I was too busy arguing.

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

I was really disappointed with myself after this realization.  Here I am preaching all these lessons about good communication, planning and asking for help and I myself had completely ignored them, much to my detriment.  The truth is that we can all be less than objective when it comes to our own lives.  It’s easy to take a look at someone else and say “they’re being too argumentative” but it’s not so easy to do the same when looking in the mirror.  Luckily for me, my boss was more objective than I and pointed out some of these issues to me.

I say lucky and I really do mean that.  There are a few possible outcomes here:

  • My boss doesn’t pick up on this, promotes me and I fail miserably
  • My boss picks up on all this and fires me without telling me why
  • My boss picks up on all this and tells me about it

Choice number 3 is the best of all worlds and it is indeed what happened.  Through this choice I can now improve my manner of work.  I’m also lucky in that my boss is someone who gives second chances.  That is, if I truly improve, I’ll get everything I want and then some.  As I said, this is probably the best of all outcomes.  Am I disappointed?  Yes, but I do believe that this is for the best.  Now I just need to prove that I can change, and that I already know how to do.

Mentors

What this shows me is the value of mentors and coaches.  Everyone has a coach, even olympic players who are considered the best in their game.  Why?  Because the presence of an objective observer is an excellent way to improve.  We just have to be willing to take their advice and not get too defensive.   Our first instinct is going to be “you don’t know what you’re talking about.  I’m already doing this and you’re missing out on some facts”, but by carefully listening to what they’re saying and then digging deep to see what they actually mean by their words, we can gain some incredible insights into ourselves.

I’m glad to be working for someone like that and I’m grateful for the learning opportunity.

###

And no, he doesn’t read this blog :)

Giving Back To The World Around You

Trash on the trailThis morning Julie and I went hiking through the local park.  We took Daisy with us and, since she loves splashing through water, we took her down to the edge of a little creek that runs near the trail.  It was a beautiful spot, isolated even though it was close to a main road.  The water was sparkling, the plants were lushly green and everything was perfect.  Except right there on the water’s edge sat the remains of someone’s McDonald’s meal.  That’s right, someone else had appreciated this spot so much that they came down here to enjoy their meal but then left several drink cups, food wrappers and paper bags littering the creekside.

Now I’m not going to pass judgement on the people who left this trash there.  I have no idea why they left it there, nor do I know the circumstances.  Perhaps they left quickly after being scared off by a wild animal.  Perhaps they come from a culture where littering is more common.  Perhaps they intended to come back but forgot after their own hike.  Who knows.  What I do know is that I love this beautiful spot in the park.  So I grabbed a bag out of my pocket (when you walk a dog, you quickly learn to carry plastic bags with you to pick up poop) and Julie and I picked up the garbage together and carried it off to the nearest garbage bin.

I’m not saying this to look like some kind of environmental hero, it was quite easy to do and required virtually zero effort.  I say this because I want to encourage all of you to make this world a little bit better than it is today.

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My Brother-In-Law Problem

35 StrangersI have a brother in law problem.  The problem is that my brother in law is too good.  He’s educated, smart, nice, knowledgeable, wealthy, hardworking, great conversationalist, successful… In other words, he’s everything I want to be and I resent him for it.  I resent him because he has what I want, because I fear being compared to him, because saying “I want to be like him” is embarrassing.  What’s my fiancé going to think?  Will she compare the two of us?  Will she resent me because I’m not as successful?  Will family gatherings consist of people thinking “wow, look at that amazing guy over there and look at that loser on the other side…”?  So this is my brother in law problem.

Dan Arielly had this great article about the measures of a man’s happiness.  In it he discussed the fact that many men based their self-worth not on their own absolute accomplishments but on a relative comparison to their wife’s sister’s husband (the brother in law).  In other words, if you want to be a happy man, marry someone whose sister married a total loser.  Except that won’t work for me.  I love my fiancé very much and I’m not about to lose that because her brother in law is too nice.   And since I’m not going to sabotage his success in some way, I need to come up with a different solution. [Read more...]

Let’s Start A Cult!

Cult directionsNo, no, hear me out a second. I’m not suggesting some cult where we all wear robes, chant a lot and eventually kill ourselves. I’m talking about the kind of cult where we meet people like ourselves, enjoy hanging out with one another, help each other out and find ways to improve ourselves and the world around us. I guess this would be more of a secret society, but since this is a public blog post, it can’t be very secret.

Seriously though, aren’t you sick and tired of people who don’t get you?  Aren’t you frustrated with having political or economic discussions with folks who don’t understand the issues and may not even care about them?  This drives me insane by the way.

We have a huge and complex world around us, one with problems and issues that have a direct impact on us, but most people could care less about anything beyond their little world.  Their attitude seems to be “as long as I get what I think is owed me, I don’t care about anything else.”

This bothers me because I want to help.  I want this world to be a better place for me, my loved ones, my friends and for everyone else around me.  So I get frustrated when I meet people who just don’t seem to care about anything other than themselves.  They don’t understand that they are a part of this world, a part of this society, and that the best way to help themselves is to help the world around them.

That’s what I want to change.  I want to create a network of people who help eachother.  Call it a cult, call it a secret society or call it the grand conspiracy if you will.  All I want is like minded people who care about themselves and the world around them. [Read more...]

Why Do IT People Suck? A Lesson In Customer Service

RespectIf you’re anywhere in the corporate world then you’ve probably had some kind of bad experience with a group of people affectionately known as IT. They’re the folks responsible for setting up your computers, making sure the network doesn’t break and helping you out when you can’t figure out what’s wrong with your email. They’re also the folks with the reputation for being surly, unfriendly, unhelpful, uncooperative and a variety of other, less complimentary adjectives. In fact, at most companies I’ve worked with, IT was the department people disliked the most and they were generally viewed as an obstacle to people’s productivity.

Why Is This?

How do a bunch of people who usually work pretty hard and are in general smart and friendly develop a reputation for being absolutely awful to work with?  By the way, I will firmly stand by my assertion that IT folks are very smart and quite friendly once you get to know them.  They’re no different than any other person I know and there’s nothing inherent in IT which makes awful people.  So why is it that they have such an awful reputation?  It’s an easy answer actually, they have absolutely zero respect for their customers. [Read more...]