You are here: Home / Archives for Virtue / Responsibility

The Truth About Muslims, Arabs and Palestinians

April 23, 2012 By 2 Comments

Editor’s Note – I’m not usually one to talk about politics.  I prefer to keep this blog to topics like starting a business or finding jobs, but after a few recent events in my life, I thought this had to be written.  And yes, it does represent the opinion of Equally Happy and it’s employees :)

When I was 10 years old, my parents uprooted our family from Israel and brought us to the United States. We settled in a town called Lafayette, on the outskirts of the San Francisco Bay Area. This was in the early 80’s and Lafayette wasn’t used to immigrants. It was a predominantly white and Christian community, where most kids were born to American parents. To me, this was hell.

We came from a small, relatively agrarian community in Israel where kids were very open to newcomers. There were no cliques, no jocks, no nerds and no bullies. By comparison to that little slice of heaven, Springfield elementary was a warzone and I never knew where the next shot would come from. As a foreigner, especially one with an odd name and a strange accent, I was the outcast, the one to make fun of. Even worse, I came from the Middle East, an area that back then meant little more than wars and terrorism. I’ll spare you the details because that’s not the point of this post, but I will mention the two people who rose above the rest; the ones who made room in their lives for the foreign kid with the odd way of talking. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Honesty, Respect, Responsibility Tagged With: , , ,

How Can I Change The World? Or At Least My Country

November 21, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Darwin - Very gradual change we can believe inSo, if I think both the OWS and the Tea Party movements suck, how exactly would I go about changing the world?  It’s an interesting questions because one of my goals in life is to leave this world in a better condition than I found it.  Whether or not I have kids, I want my impact on this world (and on my country) to be positive.  I don’t need to be the next Abraham Lincoln or Tim Bernars Lee, but I would like to have a net positive impact.  This is especially important to me these days when the world seems to be in a bit of trouble all around.  We have environmental issues, economic collapse, political instability, leaders who seem clueless and politicians who seem completely out of touch.  In the face of all this, it’s easy to feel powerless and just give up.  However, there are still plenty of ways in which one person can have an impact and I’m going to use this post to list a few. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Communication, Decision Making, Goals, Honesty, Responsibility, Step 1 - Priorities, Step 2 - Make A Plan Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Dealing With Disappointment At Work

October 17, 2011 By Leave a Comment

DisappointmentThe last week was not a good week for me professionally.  It started by with some bad news about something I had hoped to achieve at work.  The details are confidential but needless to say, I was very disappointed.  I felt betrayed and alone, as though other people should have been there for me, should have warned me that this was happening.  I also felt angry, I felt like I didn’t get the support I needed so it wasn’t fair to criticize me now and hold me back from what I wanted.

I wanted to sulk and blame the world.  Actually, I wanted to run away and quit my job.  Luckily, I have a bit more common sense than that, plus a very intelligent wife who listened to my issues and presented me with some great advice.  Ultimately, I went and talked to my boss about this whole thing, although I did take some time to formulate my thoughts before I marched in there.

What I realized was my career is my responsibility.  As I’ve defined it before, responsibility is the willingness and the ability to take action and I’m the only who has both of those things when it comes to my work.  Should other people have helped me along the way?  Sure, and they would have if I had asked.  Should other people have supported me?  Sure, and they would have if I told them I needed it.

Ultimately, it seems like I made a few mistakes:

  • I tried to do everything myself – This is fine when you’re an individual contributor but not when you’re a manager.  A manager has to rely on his people to do the work and I didn’t do that.  If a problem arose, I went and solved it, instead of teaching my employees how to solve them.
  • I didn’t look far enough into the future – An employee needs to be concerned with executing immediate actions.  A manager needs to be concerned with formulating plans for the future and then letting his employees execute them in the present.  I was too backwards focused.  I was reacting to what had happened before instead of planning for what was going to happen.
  • I was too reluctant to ask for help – Instead of asking for help, I waited for it to be offered.  I didn’t even tell people I needed help but instead assumed they could see it for themselves.
  • I didn’t communicate well – Because I am the product expert, I entered many conversations with the mind set of “I’m right and you’re wrong.”  Even worse, when I would get into arguments I would try to “win” the argument instead of figuring out how it could be resolved.  I didn’t take the time to say “ok, how can we resolve this?  What data would help us figure this out?” because I was too busy arguing.

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

I was really disappointed with myself after this realization.  Here I am preaching all these lessons about good communication, planning and asking for help and I myself had completely ignored them, much to my detriment.  The truth is that we can all be less than objective when it comes to our own lives.  It’s easy to take a look at someone else and say “they’re being too argumentative” but it’s not so easy to do the same when looking in the mirror.  Luckily for me, my boss was more objective than I and pointed out some of these issues to me.

I say lucky and I really do mean that.  There are a few possible outcomes here:

  • My boss doesn’t pick up on this, promotes me and I fail miserably
  • My boss picks up on all this and fires me without telling me why
  • My boss picks up on all this and tells me about it

Choice number 3 is the best of all worlds and it is indeed what happened.  Through this choice I can now improve my manner of work.  I’m also lucky in that my boss is someone who gives second chances.  That is, if I truly improve, I’ll get everything I want and then some.  As I said, this is probably the best of all outcomes.  Am I disappointed?  Yes, but I do believe that this is for the best.  Now I just need to prove that I can change, and that I already know how to do.

Mentors

What this shows me is the value of mentors and coaches.  Everyone has a coach, even olympic players who are considered the best in their game.  Why?  Because the presence of an objective observer is an excellent way to improve.  We just have to be willing to take their advice and not get too defensive.   Our first instinct is going to be “you don’t know what you’re talking about.  I’m already doing this and you’re missing out on some facts”, but by carefully listening to what they’re saying and then digging deep to see what they actually mean by their words, we can gain some incredible insights into ourselves.

I’m glad to be working for someone like that and I’m grateful for the learning opportunity.

###

And no, he doesn’t read this blog :)

Filed Under: Communication, Coping With Failure, Coworkers, Getting Raises, Honesty, Introspection, Respect, Responsibility Tagged With: , , , , ,

What Is Responsibility?

October 6, 2011 By 1 Comment

freedom/responsibility

In my ongoing quest to define my ideal person, I’ve run into yet another sticking point.  Namely, I’ve been trying to figure out what the heck is responsibility.

The first place I went is my trusty dictionary and this is what I found:

  1. The state or position of being responsible
  2. A person or thing for which one is responsible
  3. The ability or authority to act or decide on one’s own, without supervision

First definition is pretty pointless.  The second definition tells me that someone or something can be my responsibility but that’s not really helpful either.  I already knew I could be responsible, what I wanted to find out is what it means to be responsible for something or someone.  So I kept looking. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Introspection, Relationships, Responsibility Tagged With: , , , , ,

Let’s Start A Cult!

June 4, 2011 By 7 Comments

Cult directionsNo, no, hear me out a second. I’m not suggesting some cult where we all wear robes, chant a lot and eventually kill ourselves. I’m talking about the kind of cult where we meet people like ourselves, enjoy hanging out with one another, help each other out and find ways to improve ourselves and the world around us. I guess this would be more of a secret society, but since this is a public blog post, it can’t be very secret.

Seriously though, aren’t you sick and tired of people who don’t get you?  Aren’t you frustrated with having political or economic discussions with folks who don’t understand the issues and may not even care about them?  This drives me insane by the way.

We have a huge and complex world around us, one with problems and issues that have a direct impact on us, but most people could care less about anything beyond their little world.  Their attitude seems to be “as long as I get what I think is owed me, I don’t care about anything else.”

This bothers me because I want to help.  I want this world to be a better place for me, my loved ones, my friends and for everyone else around me.  So I get frustrated when I meet people who just don’t seem to care about anything other than themselves.  They don’t understand that they are a part of this world, a part of this society, and that the best way to help themselves is to help the world around them.

That’s what I want to change.  I want to create a network of people who help eachother.  Call it a cult, call it a secret society or call it the grand conspiracy if you will.  All I want is like minded people who care about themselves and the world around them. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Confidence, Drive, Empathy, Family, Friends, Honesty, Networking, Respect, Responsibility Tagged With: , , , , ,

Taking Responsibility For Your Life

April 28, 2010 By 1 Comment

How many of you feel like your lives are out of your control? How many of you feel like you’re stuck somewhere unhappy without a way out? How often do you think to yourself, “there’s nothing I can do, this is just the way life is”? You’re not alone and help is on the way, but that help can only get there when you decide to take responsibility for your own life.

My Lesson

The most important thing I’ve learned in my life is that this is indeed my life. It may suck at times and there are some things about it that I wish to change, but at the end of the day it is my life. The decisions that shape my life are mine, as are the consequences of those decisions. If there are things that suck then it’s up to me to fix them and if there are things I want to change then I should get off my butt and change them. This, my friends, is the essence of responsibility. To be responsible means being willing to step up, make decisions and accept the consequences. I am responsible for my own life as you are responsible for yours.

I can already hear what some of you are thinking. You’re thinking that your current state is someone else’s fault. You’re thinking someone did you wrong, someone took your life away or perhaps someone gave you a rough start to what could have been an easy life. Was it a parent who didn’t care? A school which wasn’t good enough? A lover who left you and broke your heart? Whatever or whoever it was, that’s all in the past. Those things have happened and there’s no way for you to change them. What happens from this point on is your decision and that’s why it’s your responsibility. This is your chance to step up.

There are no knights in shining armor and no magical solutions. Changing your life might be harder than you can imagine or it may be easier than you can believe but either way, it’s your responsibility to create that change. You may have many people willing to help but the responsibility is still yours.

My Day Of Reckoning

I still remember that summer day when I finally figured this out. It was a few months after my divorce and my life was in shambles. I was depressed, I hated my job and I desperately wanted a different life. I remember that morning as I tried to get out of my bed and couldn’t get any further than sitting up. I burst into tears and sobbed out repeatedly “please, someone help. Please, someone tell me what to do.” I spoke those words over and over but no one answered. My ex did not magically reappear to fix our marriage, my job did not magically get better, no shining figure descended from the heavens with all the answers I needed. The only one who was there for me was my dog, who lay by my side and gave me her unconditional love. Eventually, the sobbing stopped. I realized then that I have three options. I can accept being miserable for the rest of my life, I can end my life or I can improve my life. I chose option number three.

Your Day Is Here

Yes, I know, your life is different, your troubles are tougher, your misery stronger and the forces pushing you down are heavier than mine. Your life is horrible, your pain is intense and your troubles insurmountable. To this I say, horse crap! There’s always a way and there is always time to fix your life. The sooner you start the sooner you will reap the rewards of your efforts. The first step is always the same though. Accept responsibility for your life, accept the fact that the decisions that will shape your life are your own as are their consequences. Accept the fact that you may sometimes fail and that failing hurts. Accept that it may take a while. Accept that it may be hard. Accept all of these things but first of all accept the responsibility that comes along with being an adult human being. That is the first and most important lesson I have learned in my life. An adult is responsible for his or her own life.

Don’t Be Scared

To some of you this may seem scary but it really isn’t. I’m not trying to frighten you, I’m trying to set you free. Once you realize that control is in your hands, life becomes an experience to enjoy rather than a burden to be endured. It’s frightening to realize you have complete freedom but it’s also the most wonderful and joyous experience you’ll ever have.

So the choice is yours. Stay trapped in that life, blaming your parents, your kids, your boss or your government and be miserable, or accept responsibility and start living life. Every time something happens, every time you experience an event, tell yourself, “this is my life, this is my responsibility, I can change this if I want.” That right there is a good beginning. If you’re willing to do that, then stick with me and let’s see what we can learn together.

Filed Under: Responsibility, Starting Out Tagged With: , ,